Parenting Fail

S.O.S!  Someone send in a diet coke and that British nanny on t.v as soon as possible!  Seriously!  We are falling apart over here!  I'm on the verge of screaming, crying, laughing, and falling asleep all at the same time! 

Today has been rough.  So rough.  I don't even know where to start.  I guess I could start in the middle of the night last night when Knox woke up screaming and B went and got him and put him in our bed.  I should say B's bed because he takes up all of the room with his five thousand pillows.   I'm allowed a tiny little sliver on the edge of the bed.  So Knox lays in my sliver and I didn't sleep for the rest of the night.  Partly because Knox pushed me off the bed and partly because I was scared I would oversleep and not be up in time to race to their school to sign them up for three days a week next year.  Three mornings a week (pray they get in) will be a game changer!  I will be able to do so much more with ten hours of freedom a week as opposed to the seven I get now! ha  After I left their school I stopped to get donut holes because Brooks has been asking for donuts lately and we will do anything to pack some lb's on his little booty!  Maybe the donuts made them crazy for the rest of the day.  Yes, I will blame it on the donuts.  They were wild.  That really isn't anything new but for some reason today it was on another level.  They trashed the house, threw temper tantrums, hit each other, hit me, pooped in their diapers four times.  Oh and Brooks dropped the F bomb approximately five hundred times.  That's his new thing.  It's B's fault.  He even admits fault but now we can't figure out how to stop it.  B made the mistake of initially getting on to him for it so he knows it's wrong.  He even told me, "I sad, I got in trouble for saying the bad word."  He says it in the right context which is even worse.   So let me set the scene for you...My eyes were closing, my house was trashed, Ava was crying for Sophia, Brooks was muttering "F Sophia under his breath because he wanted Mickey, and Knox was throwing all of the cushions off of the couch and jumping on it.  I couldn't wait for nap time.  I finally got them all in bed and went to my room to lay down.  I nodded off immediately but woke up because all three of them were screaming and laughing so loud.  I went to check on them and Brooks and Knox had climbed out of their beds...  Their mattresses are laying on the floor by the way...  They can't go any lower.  I put them back in and literally 3 minutes later they were back out. I threatened their life, put them back in and left.  They climbed back out a total of four times.  Oh and they took all of the wooden slats out of the blinds in their room while they were out of bed..  I forgot that fun fact.  They are probably back out now, as I type.  I just gave up.  I gave up on a nap for myself too and instead went downstairs to clean, do laundry, dishes, order Valentine's gifts for the little monsters, my regular routine.  And type this all out.  This day is just too good to forget.  It must be documented!   

I feel like I have lost complete control.  I've got to get it together.  The boys need to be potty trained.  It's absolutely ridiculous that Brooks tells me, "I'm going to poop.  I'll be back." Or, "I'm wet.  You need to change my diaper now!"  They can also start helping clean up toys.  I could pick up this house in my sleep because I do it so often.  Their toys have taken over.  I should probably get my cussing two year old under control too before he gets thrown out of school.  

So, that's a little glimpse into our life right now.   Real exciting stuff.  The next time someone says to me, "I don't know how you do it!"  I'm going to give them a link to this post.  I'm "doing" it.  I just don't know how well! 

Disclaimer-I love my kids, I think they are the cutest things in the world (even when they cuss and poop their pants), tomorrow I will forget this ever happened and we will have a great day.  At least I hope we will!

Update-As if this day wasn't exciting enough... I was sitting on the couch folding a mountain of laundry and my doorbell rang.  A crack head was standing there holding a wrench and nothing else and said, "I'm here to fix the pipe."  I said, "What?" and he said, "I guess I have the wrong house." He hurried and walked away.  I noticed there was no car parked on our street so he must have been on foot...  I also noticed my house was the only house on the street without a car outside in the driveway.  So it looked like no one was home!  PS-I got an e-mail a week ago that houses have been broken into in and around our neighborhood.  The people are breaking in during the day and they ring the doorbell and if someone answers they say they are with Cox or the water company, etc...  If they don't answer the door they break in!  I'm pretty sure that is what happened to me!  I called B who told me to call the cops.  I called and gave them a description and they are out looking for him.  A cop stopped at my house to ask me about him and ask if I could identify him if I had to.  I think I can!  I will never forget those teeth! I really hope they can find him!  I might not ever be able to sleep again if they can't! 
So, if you live in East Fayetteville be on the lookout for a white male in his 40-50's, navy sweatshirt, fancy jeans-How random is it that I noticed his jeans.  When he walked away I noticed they had embroidered pockets.  Kind of like Miss Me women's jeans... scraggly brown hair, and teeth that looked like they were broken off and missing...